you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
