Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
