She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
