True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
