I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
