Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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