she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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