im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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