Betty ford says i'm here all night
This girl is more easily done than said...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
