What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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