The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
