hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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