HIV tests are more positive than that guy
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Found your dick twin last night
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize