my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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