People in love make me want to vomit
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize