We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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