dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
