u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
