Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
