I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
