found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just want to make out with him forever
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
