so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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