Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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