i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
