Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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