Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
