I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
