I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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