Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
