That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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