ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
