are you still at the devil's house?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
