i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just invented taco cereal.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
