I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
