why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We got so high we made milksteak
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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