Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
vagina is talking i cant
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
