I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
