he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
