ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
