I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Randomize
