I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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