Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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