Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
