At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
