As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
