you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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