when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
