Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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