Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
