I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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