The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
