Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
