I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize