when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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