can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
