clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
