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• (562): View more from California

  Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint

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• (914): View more from New York

  When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...

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• (904): View more from Florida

  It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.

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• (516): View more from New York

  I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?

  (1-516): View more from New York

  I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later

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• (585): View more from New York

  Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?

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• (+27): View more from South Africa

  He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.

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• (760): View more from California

  I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.

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