May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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