On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
