So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize