Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
