dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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