You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
