the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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