I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
